Seattle Seahawks (13-3) - Previously: #1 - The Seahawks will take on New Orleans next week. Too bad the Saints can suddenly win outdoors now! Oh, and don't forget that Seattle's homefield advantage means absolutely nothing because Arizona won there. Should the Seahawks even show up next week, because it sounds like they don't even have a chance?
Carolina Panthers (12-4) - Previously: #2 - I honestly can't believe the Panthers are two-point underdogs against the 49ers. Prior to seeing the line, I was thinking about what to do with a Carolina -3 over San Francisco spread. Look for my NFL Picks on Wednesday to see where I'll be going with this game, or follow me @walterfootball for updates.
San Francisco 49ers (13-4) - Previously: #5 - Remember when I received tons of hate mail for ranking the 49ers in the top three when they were 1-2? Fun times. Let's relive them!
How dafuq is SF #3?
2 losing teams in the top 5? They have the same record as my Eagles and they obviously don't belong anywhere near the top 10, much less the top 5. Rodgers and Kaepernick can only take a team so far if everyone else sucks.
Derp dee derp.
I think these rankings are joke. You are what your record says you are- like Parcells used to say. The problem with these rankings is the author always puts emotion into their listings. That is why a 1-2 record team is ranked higher than 3-0 teams. The more emotional you are with your listings, the more stubborn you are to admit you were wrong about a team.
Derp dee derpety derp dee derp.
Your site sucks. LMAO, a team was just DESTROYED two weeks in a row, is in complete disarray, has their best D player out for possibly weeks, have no WR's, and you have them ranked #3 in the entire NFL? That tells me all I need to know. You guys are seriously idiots. Way to rank a ONE AND TWO team in the 49ers as #3 in the NFL. Seriously, you guys are a JOKE. And to think I once thought this was a reputable site. Wow are you guys stupid. Absolutely LAUGHABLE.
Da derp dee derp da teetley derpee derpee dumb.
New England Patriots (12-4) - Previously: #3 - The Patriots will battle Indianapolis next week, and I'm sure they'll be hopeful that the Colts will be out of gas following the second-biggest comeback in NFL postseason history. The good news for Andrew Luck and company is that the Bills, who own the greatest comeback, won their next playoff game.
Here's some more dubious omen against the Patriots: Vick Ballard will be back! It's true. Don't believe me? TDap sent me the following picture where a fantasy site told him to drop the great Keenan Allen in favor of Ballard:
New Orleans Saints (12-5) - Previously: #4 - So much for the Saints not being able to win in the cold. Let this be a lesson: Whether it's sports betting or stock trading, if there's money involved, and everyone is saying one thing will happen, the opposite will usually occur. Keep that in mind the next time everyone's screaming recession, or people are convinced Team X can't win when it's exactly 55 degrees outside, or when the crowd is convinced the roulette wheel will land on black.
Denver Broncos (13-3) - Previously: #6 - Believe it or not, Von Miller isn't the only injury concern the Broncos have to deal with for their upcoming rubber match versus San Diego. There's also Julius Thomas. Now, you may not have heard of any sort of malady Thomas is dealing with, but believe me, it's totally true. Don't believe me? Take a look at what CreamRanger had to say once I posted an injury status update about Thomas earlier in the year:
Thomas is OK now, but he's transformed into a white man! The next thing Denver fans know, Thomas will miss practice to sing songs and have strange sleepovers with children.
San Diego Chargers (10-7) - Previously: #13 - I wish I had a taped conversation of this, but I told a friend at the gym that I thought that if the Chargers could get into the playoffs - I said this prior to Week 17 - they would be a legitimate Super Bowl threat because of their improved defense. San Diego has proven it can beat anyone. The near-loss to Kansas City shouldn't have been a concern; the Chargers play up/down to their competition. After all, they lost to the Texans, Raiders, Redskins and Titans this year.
Anyway, I've made coaches and players the victims of Derek Anderson's magic flask. How about ESPN employees? Check out this post by Bill Williamson, sent over by Matvei:
I can't say I'm surprised that an ESPN employee is drinking while working.
Indianapolis Colts (12-5) - Previously: #12 - The Colts-Chiefs game was amazing. Perhaps the best part of it for me occurred right after the Trent Richardson lost fumble early on. I had Anti-Facebook Girl over to watch the games with me, and upon telling her all about Richardson and how he cost Indianapolis a first-round pick, she looked at Richardson and said, "He seems like a whiny little b***h."
I feel like most Indianapolis fans would agree with that.
At any rate, the Colts are fully capable of making a Super Bowl run, but their corners need to get healthy.
Green Bay Packers (8-8-1) - Previously: #7 - My conversation with Matvei on Friday night:
Matvei: Maybe they should just postpone the game, they might have deaths at the stadium.
Me: Death is a part of football. Play on! The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
There was an obvious holding call, but no flag.
Jim Harbaugh: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG THROW THE FLAG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!
Kansas City Chiefs (11-6) - Previously: #9 - I didn't think Alex Smith would lead the Chiefs deep into the playoffs, but what was up with Kansas City's defense?
One more Andy Reid mere for the road:
Last week, here was, well, you can figure it out:
This week, here's something on Reid's mind during each of his press conferences:
Cincinnati Bengals (11-6) - Previously: #8 - You don't know how many e-mails and comments I received this year for calling the Bengals overrated. I never believed Andy Dalton would be able to lead Cincinnati deep into the playoffs. He's just good enough to get the team there, but there's a reason he has just one touchdown compared to a whopping seven turnovers in three postseason starts.
I'm not even sure what the solution is. Signing Josh McCown? Drafting someone like Tajh Boyd at the end of the first round? The Bengals should probably spend a mid-round selection on a quarterback they really like and hope to develop him. Zach Mettenberger should slip because of his injury, so perhaps Cincinnati should take a shot on him, though I don't think he'd be the answer either. The Bengals just appear to be stuck in a rut.
Philadelphia Eagles (10-7) - Previously: #10 - I understand that Philly fans are no doubt depressed by the loss to the Saints, so how about a picture to cheer them up? My friend/former neighbor Drew sent this to me after the Eagles beat Dallas in Week 17:
Robert Mathis: 2 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble.
Navorro Bowman: 10 tackles, 1 forced fumble.
Rey Maualuga: 15 tackles.
Fantasy Scrubs of the Week :
Andy Dalton: 29-of-51, 334 yards. 1 TD, 2 INTs, 1 lost fumble.
Antonio Gates: 1 catch, 5 yards.
Marques Colston: 2 catches, 16 yards.
Keenan Allen: 2 catches, 21 yards.
A.J. Green: 3 catches, 34 yards.
Anquan Boldin: 3 catches, 38 yards.
Jimmy Graham: 3 catches, 44 yards.
Run Defenses, Pass Defense, Pass Protection:
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: